Thank God toddlers don't drink coffee.

We did it! We did it! It's really, really true!

We did it! We did it! We know just what to do!

See, we were tired of Oliver running us ragged.

So we changed it up a bit.

We took him out, ran him around, jumped on top everything, hid below everything, laughed as hard as we could, fell over two or three or fifty times, and eventually...we pooped him out.

Don't mess with us kid, we've had a full pot of expresso.

Have a great weekend!

Maybe I'm doing something right? Maybe?

Raising a child is hard work.

It is exhausting, relentless and can be extremely frustrating.

Just last month Oliver was getting his kicks licking the wall.

This month, we've made huge progress.

Check out our accomplishments:

We're putting things ON.

We're stacking things UP.

And, (my favorite) we're DRAWRING!

I've never been so proud!

Leave me a comment and let me know you're thoughts!

And, don't forget to follow Smores so you don't miss a post!

I'm now tweeting at Smores4brekfest.

It has happened.

I said it would never happen to me, and yet, it has.

I tried. I tried really, really hard, but in the end there was no avoiding it.
The best thing for me to do now is to roll with it.

Can you relate?
Has it happened to you too?
Did you try like hell to fight against it, but in the end raised your little white flag?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

I know you do.

Yup, the yoga pants, the Converse gym shoes, the tank top paired with a long sleeve t-shirt?

Not with me yet? Okay I'll just say it flat out. The Mom-iform.

We roll out beds at 7am, throw our hair into a ponytail and shimmy into our yoga pants. As we walk to greet our young ones in their rooms, we pull down the tank and the tee. Phew. We did it. We got dressed.

The thing is, this way of dressing is functional. And with the help of stores like Lululemon, it's not as droopy of a look as it used to be. The way I justify it is that everyone dresses for their job.

Bankers wear ties.

Doctors wear scrubs.

Moms and Yoga teachers wear yoga pants.

I'm not going to be dressing like an exercise teacher forever, after all, I won't have to chase Oliver for the rest of my life. Things will normalize and I will once more slip into my kitten heals.

But as for now, Chuck Taylors remain part of my ensemble.

Rock it. Rock it. Rock it.

Oliver has learned to spin.

I find it dizzying, but he can't get enough so we all applaud.

First Day of Pre-Pre-School.

Today I dropped my baby toddler off at pre-pre-school.

What is that you ask? Pre-pre-school?

It is what Manhattanites do with their 16 month old babies to get them started early. It's really not a big deal. Three hours, Monday through Thursday, in a Montessori environment.

Last week we had parents orientation and the teachers encouraged us to say a quick, simple and happy good-bye during the drop-off period. It would make the separation process easier for them and isn't that what we all want?

All last week I was gearing myself up, practicing my good-bye:

"Oh Oliver!

You're going to have the best time at school!

Mommy loves you and will see you in a few hours!

Have fun! Bye-bye!"

Well, this morning as I threw Oliver in the stroller I got a lump in my throat that could not be cleared by several A-hems. During the three block walk to school my nose suddenly started to run. And, when I lifted Oliver out of his stroller and took off his shoes and jacket a wet substance started trickling down my cheeks.

By the time I brought my little boy over to the movement floor where all of the teachers and aides were happily welcoming new students I was full out bawling.

What was Oliver doing, you might wonder, while I was going hysterical? He was looking at me...laughing. He then turned around and ran right towards the ball pit.

I turned around too, sunglasses already on to conceal the tears, but the erratic huffy breathing was a dead give away for the sobs that I cried all the way home.

I know Oliver will be fine. He's that sort of baby... social, passionate, and wonderful to be around. It's me that I worry about because I have many more of these days to get through: Nursery School, Kindergarten, elementary school, Jr. High, High School, omg... COLLEGE!

Can my heart handle this? No, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Let's hope I do better at school tomorrow.

Shocker.

This week has been tough. The rain kept us indoors for hours at a time. Nothing will make a baby and a Mama more stir crazy than looking at the same toys for hours on end. So when the sun came out on Thursday I decided to straighten my hair, put on a dress, and head to the park.

We left at 11:30am. From 11:45 to 12:45 we were playing in the sand, practicing pulling up, and going down the slide. Who could have known what was happening at home.

At 1:00pm I was minutes away from putting Oliver down for a well deserved nap. As always I opened the door, guided the stroller in, and pulled Oliver out and into my arms.

Having just recently experienced diaper rash for the first time I know you can't change diapers often enough. As I walked towards Oliver's room to change him I noticed the bathroom door was open. Hmm. I thought it was closed when I left. I kept walking.

Next I noticed tons of change and perfume samples scattered on the floor. Huh. Strong wind gusts must have knocked over something...but wait...I turned the corner and looked into my room and saw all the contents of my dresser including the drawers on the floor.

SHIT.

PANIC.

SOMEONES BEEN IN HERE.

ARE THEY STILL HERE?

GET OUT NOW.

RUN.

With Oliver still in my arms I run towards the door and with all my might try to open the door. But I can't. It's stuck. No matter how hard I try, I cannot open the door. It's stuck on something and won't open. That's when I see the living room. The storage trunk is flipped over and everything is dumped onto the floor.

LET ME OUT.

I CANT GET OUT.

IS THE PERSON STILL IN HERE?

SHIT.

SHIT.

LET ME OUT!

I call the super since he works in the building and always answers. He answers on the first ring and I scream into the phone my apartment number, that I'm stuck, and we've been burglarized. Within two minutes he's cracking open my door with a crowbar.

WE'RE SAFE.

OLIVER IS SAFE.

I AM SAFE.

The next five hours consist of policemen taking statements, detectives checking video surveillance, and forensics taking fingerprints off the mirrors. Also during this time we begin to realize all that's been stolen which consisted of nothing out of the ordinary... except for my perfume.

The most unnerving thing (there are many unnerving things about this) is that this was clearly an inside job. We live in a doorman building and there are 24 surveillance cameras throughout the building. Also, our apartment is on a rather high floor. This asshole took the stairs to get in and out. Why wouldn't they try the lower floors? And finally, I don't keep a regular schedule, I keep a baby's schedule. I was gone for an hour and a half and someone had to have been watching me and known exactly which apartment I live in.

The good thing is we were not home. The good thing is all material things can be replaced. The good thing is Oliver is okay. The bad thing is the memory, the loss of trust and sense of safety.

We put bats under our bed should we ever need them in the middle of the night.

My purpose in writing this is not to scare anyone, rather to raise awareness that even when we think we live in safe areas with locks on our doors and doormen acting as gatekeepers to our privacy you must always be on top of your security.

Please be safe and aware. Knowledge is power.

Obviously...

I have 7 friends that are pregnant and they keep asking me for advice. Obviously they should buy tons of burp cloths and diapers, and obviously they should test drive different strollers. Not-so-obviously, they should take everything from their hospital room that isn't nailed down. Mostly though, I tell them to sit back and enjoy the ride. They'll figure it out, every mom does...obviously.

Having a baby is incredible, shocking and miraculous. This might should like it should be obvious too. But for me, it wasn't.

I found pregnancy, labor and the months that followed incredible because of the straight-up physicality it involved. The toll it takes is a hefty one. Your back, abs and brain permanently change. You will never feel stronger or more impressed with your body than during this time. Anytime you feel doubt, remind yourself that you. gave. birth.

The very fact that I grew a human being is shocking. This isn't a news flash to scientists, but one minute he was inside of me and the next minute we were breathing the same air. I marvel at how he merely exists. Now that we're in his 8th month of life I watch him take on new challenges daily. He pulled up to a stand position three days ago and my heart skipped a beat. He says Da-Da all day long and he has learned to mash food with his gums. I know every baby masters these mundane tasks, but when they happen to you it's immediately blog and facebook-status worthy.

Miraculous. This is the way my soul feels when I hold Oliver and he cuddles into the nook between my chin and shoulder. And the anticipation to be with him grows day by day, minute by minute, and is at times overwhelming. Tears of joy flow freely in our small apartment. My heart is full and I have never known such pride, peace and contentment.

So, my advice for my dear pregger friends is the same advice passed down by generations: Hold tight to every moment...obviously.

New York Crazy

Dear New York City,

Really. Enough is enough. During past 9 months you have exhausted me.

1-Lets discuss the whole United Nations business last September. You really had to host a 2 week summit and invite every world leader here during the exact time I went into labor? I would have given birth in a taxi had it not been for a police escort and ambulance that rescued us.

2-How about after bringing my baby home from the hospital Lehman Brothers closes and the stock market's bottom falls out? Really New York? I still can't walk anywhere near the Citi building even though it stands on the most popular street in Tribeca. The police surround it daily and yesterday the bomb squad was out full force. Perfect conditions for a neighborhood stroll.

3-New York, do you realize I am used to the sound of helicopters? That's because they hover over my head ALL the time. First the hovering was because a certain miracle plane landed in the Hudson due west of our apartment. Then they hovered because Bernie Madoff was sentenced in court exactly due east. And 3 weeks ago, they hovered because the Obama's were going on a date. Funny, I was on a date too, but couldn't focus because of the sniper hanging out of the helicopter.

4-Now that JT and Jessica live in the hood, I assume we'll be seeing more than the usual annoying paparazzi. Fine, we see celebs at Whole Foods, at Pizza stands and in the park but seriously paparazzi, let them be. This way, you'll be letting me be too.

5-New York kids are weird. I grew up having lemonade stands that consisted of me buying crappy lemonade and selling it for 5 cents a cup on my front lawn. If I made 3 dollars, I was psyched. New York kids also set up lemonade stands. Not in their front lawn because they all grow up in apartments. These kids stand outside of Whole Foods and charge a dollar for a cup of crappy lemonade, $5 for a french pastry, and $10 dollars for a violin solo. Huh?

You never cease to shock and amaze me. Maybe you can give me a break and make this a chill summer. I really need one. Thanks New York. I appreciate it.

xo,

Alexis

My little big boy...

My gym, Equinox, has a kids club. This means that for a small fee I can have 3 or 4 women play with my baby for 2 hours while I exercise-off my last 20 10 pounds. I've known about this feature for months now, but since Oliver is so attached to me I dreaded leaving him with anyone else for fear he would go bonkers. Instead I've been speed walking the West Side Highway and the Brooklyn Bridge with Oliver in his stroller. Needless to say, this hasn't done the job and my skinny jeans are mocking me.

I decided it's time to get serious. And serious means the gym. And the gym means the kids club. And the kids club means Oliver could go bonkers.

The next morning, I woke up and immediately threw on my gym clothes so I would have no excuses. After Oliver's 9am nap, we headed over and I got the scoop. No sick kids, no kids under 3 months, and no diaper changes. If there's a code brown, they give you a pager and beep you so that you can do the honors.

Easy enough. I unstrap Oliver from the stroller and his eyes bug out of his face when he sees all the kids playing and all the toys on the floor. He's clearly psyched.

I sit him down on the floor and the women say "Okay!"

I look at them and say "Okay."

They look at me and and say "Okay?"

I look at them and say "O-Okay..."

They look at me, reach out a hand to my shoulder and say, "It will be okay."

I look at them and say "Okay."

I turn and leave quickly because I'm mortified it is not Oliver going bonkers, it's me.

PATHETIC!

See, it wasn't that Oliver wasn't crying that in turn made me cry. It was that this was such a big boy thing to do. He was so mature! So adult like!

Of course, as I write this, he's crying in his room because he does not want to nap. What a baby.

Weekend at the Park

After a long work week, it's no surprise that Daddys run to the park on Saturdays and Sundays with their children to catch up on missed fun. And Mommys run to the salons to get manicured and highlighted.

Daddys get down and dirty in the grass and mud. They ride in the choo-choo and dig holes to China in the sandbox. Hells bells, they even hoist baby onto their shoulders so the highest branches can be reached.

There is nothing Daddys won't do for their offspring.

I think it's all pretty sweet.

I also think it's amazing. Physically amazing. You see, most of these Daddys happen to be in their mid-50's. I've not the faintest idea how they toss and flip and bend and jump over and over at their toddler's whim! They certainly don't look like they're in shape. They're overweight, gray-haired wine drinkers, yet they give little Johnny the best horsey ride of his life.

We are lucky we live in a time where medically speaking miracles are possible. I am 100% in favor of however and whenever you want to have a family.

The takeaway from this is not that these men are fathering children in their 50s, but rather that these daddy's are fully engaged despite their age.

Keep rockin' it Da-Da.

I'm back!

Sometimes we need to stop and smell the flowers.

And well, that's exactly what I've been doing. A co-worker turned friend told me that kids grow up so fast that if you don't stop and enjoy it, you might miss it. She said she almost missed it with her second and fully got to enjoy it with her third.

Well, that's what I've been doing. And frankly, this has been the best time of my entire life.

At 8 months old, Oliver has grown leaps and bounds. He is inch-worming across the floor, babbling his brains out and this past Sunday he figured out how to get himself into a sitting position. I know it sounds cheesy, but watching a baby grow up is nothing short of a miracle.

I love him so much I miss him when he naps.

Blah, blah, blah you say. Everyone who has a baby feels the same way... Well, I realize this.

When I see other Mama's in the park ooo-ing and ahh-ing over their baby's every move, half of me gets annoyed because Oliver is so obviously the best child in the park, but the other half knows I'm sharing this precious time with a world of women who are all rich in pearls of wisdom.

So, in the name of women, I say keep on raising those kiddies and gushing. And enjoy watching them flowers grow.

TGIF!

Well, it has been a slow/fast week for me. I mean slow because I left my brain in St. Thomas. I mean fast because besides bumping into Jennifer Connelly at Whole Foods time passed me by this week. I got very little done and yet I am exhausted.

It sounds insane but Oliver is holding a major grudge against Brett and I for leaving the beach and coming back to NYC. Oliver, usually a fabulous sleeper, decided to fully wake up at 4 am and scream straight through until 7am. Nothing was wrong with him at all. I checked. He was dry, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't teething, he just wanted to play. We, seeing as it was 4 in the morning, just wanted to sleep. We are believers in Ferberization, so I had to grab my pillow and blanket and sleep on the couch because my heart can't bear the crying. And that's the story behind the scoreboard.

Doublebanker: You win my contest. Not only were you funny, but you were also the first to respond. I appreciate the support! You rock!

Nicole: Totally possible. In fact, I think Oliver wants to crawl so badly that when he realizes he can't he gets truly frustrated. Once he gets going we're in big trouble!

Porkstar- though your funny, you're sick.

Mom- I can't wait to see you next week!

So without a moment further, here is the week in review.
Please agree with me comment away.


1- Bernie Madoff: I want to be clear. This guy is a complete crook and should rot in jail for robbing people blind. But I do not understand why sooooo many intelligent people put every cent of theirs in one place. Haven't they heard the term diversify? Have they ever heard of banks? Bonds? When investing in the market, you're supposed to be aggressive when you're young, and grow conservative over the years. I hate Madoff for ripping off so many older people who were convinced they didn't know better when they really did. I also hate him because he ruined my morning walk yesterday because my neighborhood was filled with helicopters from every news station, reporters asking passerby's their thoughts, and angry victims waiting for the judges sentence.

2- Rhianna and her beater boyfriend: I don't know how else to say this, so pardon my french. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE SHE WENT BACK TO HIM. Yes, they are both kids. (He's 19 and she's 21.) But I swear if any guy I ever dated laid a hand on me, not only would he be less two balls but I would never EVER go back to him. What's just as pathetic is there is a poll out saying many female high school students think RiRi deserved to be beat up because she probably said something to set him off. WTF! Where are her friends, managers and family telling her NO NO NO? Memo to Mama's: Teach your daughters to have self-esteem.

3-The Best Revenge: Melissa did a fabulous job stepping in for Nancy O'Dell on Dancing with the Stars. What's his name and big-eyed Molly are soooo green with envy. Though I'm not sure what Melissa will do after hanging out with a bunch of d-listers, at least she looks fantastic and feels better after such a public humiliation. I hope she wins.

4-Fun Fact: This is the second month in a row that we have a Friday the 13th!

Have a wonderful weekend!
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Scoreboard competition...

Think you're funny? Prove it.

1: Come up with a hilarious story explaining the picture above.
2: Post it in the comments section below.

You could win a million dollars the satisfaction
of being the funniest person in the blogosphere.

I wish I had something to giveaway, but mainly,
I'm looking to laugh my ass off.

I'll announce the winner and their winning caption
next Tuesday with a shout out to their blog.

Don't be shy!

And we're back...

It never ceases to amaze me how much your ass life changes when you have a baby. In fact, there really isn't a single aspect of life that remains the same. Sure, you still shower, sleep, watch television, talk to friends and take vacations but how you accomplish these things changes entirely.

For example, I shower in 4 minutes flat, sleep with one eye open, watch television on fast forward and talk to friends after 8 pm. But these things pale in comparison to how much our vacations have changed.

Previous vacations had revelry sounding around 11am give or take an hour. Not anymore. This vacation, we rose at 7am as we have every day for the past 5 months.

Brett and I used to bake in the sun from noon to 2pm. This vacation we hung out in our suite playing scrabble while Oliver napped from noon to 2pm.

Usually I swim all day in peaceful solitude in the ocean. This time, I hung out with other moms at the kiddie pool in knee-high water dishing diaper stores.

Brett and I have taken some spectacular vacations. And despite the dramatic changes in our lives, it was the best vacation I've ever taken. I laughed out loud seeing Oliver in his sunglasses and bathing suit and I cherished introducing him to the sand and water.

I can't wait until our next one!

See you in 7

I'm leaving the mainland and going on blogcation.

While in the sun I plan on getting persepective, gaining inspiration and chugging a few thousand daiquiris taking Oliver swimming in the ocean.

Have a fabulous week and I can't wait to reconnect with all my bloggy friends next week!

Besos,

-Mama S'mores

And now...

And without wasting another minute, let's delve right into this week's juiciness! 

Remember to comment!  If you don't take part in the conversation, you're not allowed to have an opinion.

1: Heath Ledger's Oscar win: Did you see Batman? I did. Heath's performance was so far above and beyond any of my expectations. It was genius. I cried my eyes out when his family accepted the Oscar on behalf of Matilda. My heart weeps for his baby when she realizes how he overdosed and threw his life away amazingly talented and loved her daddy was.

2: Obama addresses congress:  Less than halfway through his first 100 days in office Obama hosted a non-official state of the union. Wowsah does this President have kahoonahs made of steal  guts! I don't think anyone else but Obama could deliver such shitty news in a more positive way. I wish I had his gift. I kept wondering through the entire address how Georgie-poo must have felt watching from his living room in the state you couldn't pay me to live in  Texas. Everytime Obama emphasized how irresponsible and glutenous the previous government had acted do you think Georgie-poo felt any pangs of vomit guilt? He should. After all, he did break the world have a just a bit to do with where we are now.

3: Octo-mom: I am seriously so sick of hearing about this woman I can hardly believe I'm giving her a place in this list. The bright side to this story is that the hospital is now deciding whether or not they can ethically allow Whacko Nadia to bring home all the babies. She must be able to prove she can care for them in addition to her other 6 children. After seeing how she keeps her pig sty home that could very well be impossible. It's laughable she has refused network interviews yet accepts a sit down with fake doctor for psychos Dr. Phil. Can we just stop giving her attention? I promise this is the last time I mention her.

4: Slumdog Kids:  Those adorable kids from the movie Slumdog Millionaire were handpicked from the slums of India by director Danny Boyle to play childhood versions of the movie's main characters. During the 30 days they shot their part for the movie they received a small daily stipend for their services. Well, yesterday the kiddies returned to India and were received by thousands of slumdogs as national heros. Danny Boyle and the Indian government have jointly financed the kiddies education at an exclusive private school. And when they turn 18 they will have access to a trust fund that Boyle has set up on their behalf.  That's such exploitation great. Very after the fact noble. I can't decide if it's because the film has brought in over $100 million I'm not even including potential DVD and soundtrack sales  or because it won the Oscar for best picture that made Boyle so generous. If Millionaire didn't win would Boyle have let those kids return to the slum? Did he not learn anything after shooting there? Sure it's nice that they'll now have an education, but how about health care, allowance and a year-long trip to Disney World for them and their famlies to go along with it?

5: The National Defishit: Umm. Need I say more? Just how many zero's is in a trillion? TGIFF.  

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Slow down, you move to fast...

When planning to have kids, there's a ton of things people tell you: being pregnant is fun, giving birth blows, and when you see you're baby for the first time you'll fall in love harder than you ever thought possible.

There's also a ton of things people don't tell you. Well, I'm not going to spoil the fun for all you parents-to-be out there, but I will share with you the one word that has forced me to reconsider my entire life and the way I conduct it. Epidural. Patience.

You see, I am not a patient person by nature not by a long shot.

I've been in advertising for ten years which is a lick-ity split, chop-chop, make-it-happen industry. I've split my adult years living in Chicago and New York which are hardly epicenters for zen-minded people. When I want food, I get it delivered in 10 minutes. When I want to watch a movie, I order it On-Demand. When I want to shop, I walk 5 minutes to Soho or I log onto shopbop.com. There is simply no reason to be patient. 

Patience, according to Webster's online Dictionary means:  bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint.

Since having Oliver, I've realized patience is the single most important quality a parent can have and also the single hardest quality to maintain. I'm not just talking patience when your baby has colic. That's cake.

I'm talking patience when you have the flu and you have to get up at 3am to comfort your teething baby despite your head ready to explode from snot. 

I'm talking patience when putting together crazy toys like exe-saucers and jumpers with all the buttons, batteries, straps and springs. 

I'm talking patience while in the grocery store checkout line and your baby decides to leave you a smelly, little treasure in his diaper. 

I'm talking patience when getting peed on right before you're about to go out for the night. 

I'm talking patience with every person and their mother who has an opinion on everything you do. 

I've gotten loads better than I used to be which isn't hard considering I had none to begin with. Today, I make dinner and marinate chicken over night. I let people pass me while walking down the street. And, after asking people how they're doing, I actually listen to the answer. I just don't see the point always being in such a hurry. 

I've got a few precious years with Oliver and I figure it's more than okay to simply take my time.  

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Thank you Oliver for teaching me the true meaning of patience. If it wasn't for you, life could have, and probably would have, passed me by.

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Dreaming of dreaming...

This isn't going to be my best posting.  

My brain hurts, my body is weak and I'm starving because I was too tired to cook dinner.

You see last night, if you lived in the apartment next door to us, you would have wanted to kick our asses had real sympathy for Brett and me.

In short, at barely 5 months, Oliver is sprouting teeth.  

And, to make a painful situation even worse, he's getting both bottom-front teeth at the same time. The right one broke the gum line last Friday, and the left one began to rear its ugly head on Sunday morning. I always knew he is the best, cutest, sweetest and smartest baby in the entire solar system is an over-achiever but this is crazy!

Unfortunately for Brett and I, teething means we're back to sleepless nights. This is particularly bad news for me because I require 9 hours of sleep a night to  have clear skin function as a polite and decent member of society. If I'm sleep deprived I can keep it together for Oliver, but I can't promise if you bump into me on the street I'll be civil. I might even curse you out. But it's really not my fault so I apologize in advance.

There isn't much we can do beyond the teething rings, washcloths in the freezer, and using our own knuckles as chew toys. I'm hoping it's a fast process. As is the random asshole who bumps into me on the street.

I'd like to give a special shout out to Jill at Scary Mommy who suggested I try mini-frozen bagels to help soothe my little man. She has a fantastic blog that I look forward to reading every day!

Have picture, will travel...

I accidentally let my Passport expire last May.

It was the worst timing because I was 5 months pregnant with Oliver when I realized. The last thing I wanted was to have a fat-faced pregnant picture prove my citizenship for the next ten years, so I waited. I waited 8 months. My face only got more beautiful fatter the last 4 months of pregnancy and I had to wait at least 4 months to once again see my chin and cheekbones.

Now that the bloat finally disappeared and more importantly now that we're going to St. Thomas next Monday, I really needed to renew my passport. I blew out my hair, put on some lip gloss and dressed in a solid colored, v-neck top. Suddenly I was yearbook picture ready. On my way there I called my mom surprise, surprise. She asked if I was getting Oliver a passport picture too. Well hello! I completely forgot about Oliver! Luckily, he's a natural beauty and wouldn't need a blow-out or gloss to look fabulous. I was also lucky that he was in a smiley mood.

At the picture place, I went first. After eight a few tries I had eeeeked out a passable picture. Then it was Oliver's turn. I don't know what happened, but as soon as he took one look at the photographer his smiley-ness went right out the window. He was a sketchy man and babies can definitely sense sketchy people. Anyway, we got the picture. Not his best by a long shot, but it will have to do. I figure it'll provide good entertainment when I show it to his fiance when he's older and we can all get a good laugh:

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Looking good, or not...

To know me is to know how much I love movies. Even though Godfather, Amelie, Airplane and Annie Hall are my all time favorites, I can literally watch any movie a million times over. I love the actors, the plots, the sets. I love Brad Pitt the magic.

The Oscars is a show I look forward to every year because I have accurately predicted the winner in most categories for several years now. But, this year is different. I'm a new mom. And as a new mom, I haven't seen a single Oscar nominated film. New moms don't have time to go to the movies. New moms watch old movies on HBO, Showtime and Bravo.

But this doesn't mean I can't take part in the red carpet, pre-show activities. Here's my wrap-up of the 5 people who I thought rocked the fashion world and the 5 people who should be ashamed of themselves.

We'll start off with the worst dressed because I think I should end all my blogs with positivity:

PLEASE HIRE A STYLIST:

1- Vanessa Hudgens. That mermaid dress made her look like a bitch witch and not all that fashion-saavy. Her loser boyfriend could have used a haircut too.

2- Anne Hathaway. I don't know if she's a vampire what it is about her but she scares me. She's so freakishly pale. If she's allergic to sunlight Vitamin D can't she get a spray tan or something?

3- Mickey Rourke. Seriously? Are you trying to ruin your life again? I don't care how awesomely you might have "acted" in your movie that I'll never pay to see, I hate you.

4- Philip Seymor Hoffman. Is he trying to steal "worst dressed" from Mickey?

5- Miley Cyrus. I'm so sad for her. She's such a cute girl who means well, but she accidentally dressed up like a disco ball.

Honorable Mention for Tackiness:

ABC Network: Really? You had to cut to a shot of Brad and Angie while Jen was presenting? And twice? Double Tacky. Shame on you.

YOU'RE PERFECT:

1- Heidi Klum. Her jewelry alone had me drooling like my babe Oliver. He's getting his first tooth so let me tell you, that's a lot of drool.

2-Robert Downey Jr. I never, ever, ever thought I'd say this, but he looked mighty handsome.

3- Natalie Portman. She's just so fresh and lovely.

4- Angelina. Breathtaking. It's very possible, however, that it's all downhill for her after last night. I mean, she had to have "peaked" last night because a human can't get much more gorgeous than that. For most of us mere mortals, "peaking" happens in high school or college. At least Angie hit her peak working the red carpet, hoping for an Oscar, mothering 14 6 children all while being married to Brad Pitt and in fabulous earrings. I can't wait to see how ugly she's going to get.

5-Kate Winslet. Wonderful, eloquent and elegant.

Honorable Mentions:

Marissa Tomei: Loved the dress, but didn't think the overall picture was enough to crack my top 5.

Thoughts? Did I miss anyone?

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