Jun 10, 2009

New York Crazy

Dear New York City,

Really. Enough is enough. During past 9 months you have exhausted me.

1-Lets discuss the whole United Nations business last September. You really had to host a 2 week summit and invite every world leader here during the exact time I went into labor? I would have given birth in a taxi had it not been for a police escort and ambulance that rescued us.

2-How about after bringing my baby home from the hospital Lehman Brothers closes and the stock market's bottom falls out? Really New York? I still can't walk anywhere near the Citi building even though it stands on the most popular street in Tribeca. The police surround it daily and yesterday the bomb squad was out full force. Perfect conditions for a neighborhood stroll.

3-New York, do you realize I am used to the sound of helicopters? That's because they hover over my head ALL the time. First the hovering was because a certain miracle plane landed in the Hudson due west of our apartment. Then they hovered because Bernie Madoff was sentenced in court exactly due east. And 3 weeks ago, they hovered because the Obama's were going on a date. Funny, I was on a date too, but couldn't focus because of the sniper hanging out of the helicopter.

4-Now that JT and Jessica live in the hood, I assume we'll be seeing more than the usual annoying paparazzi. Fine, we see celebs at Whole Foods, at Pizza stands and in the park but seriously paparazzi, let them be. This way, you'll be letting me be too.

5-New York kids are weird. I grew up having lemonade stands that consisted of me buying crappy lemonade and selling it for 5 cents a cup on my front lawn. If I made 3 dollars, I was psyched. New York kids also set up lemonade stands. Not in their front lawn because they all grow up in apartments. These kids stand outside of Whole Foods and charge a dollar for a cup of crappy lemonade, $5 for a french pastry, and $10 dollars for a violin solo. Huh?

You never cease to shock and amaze me. Maybe you can give me a break and make this a chill summer. I really need one. Thanks New York. I appreciate it.



  1. If I were to write to my town it would be to ask them to have the misquitoes and honey bees to tone it down a notch. How different our worlds are!

    Great letter and a great idea!

  2. This is a fantastic post, lol..I especially love the part about NY kids being weird.

  3. After reading this post, I'm realizing that I take my small town for granted sometimes!

  4. You forgot to mention the rain! The rain, rain, rain! What is going on with this rain? Miss you mama smores!

  5. omg yes! the rain! the rain! it's like we live in Seattle! I def have fantasies of living in a small town these days!

  6. and you forgot to mention the smell on certain days... take Mondays for instance.. Mondays stink in NY... really bad!

  7. I have visited your blog earlier. I loved this post wriiten in singular to NY. I will come back. Do visit my blog if you care.

  8. girl i never heard of these freaky crazy NYC "lemonade stands"?!#*
    that's just plain wack diddly wack!
    i heard on NPR recently about a couple of kids selling worms. i thought that was super cute. i don't think i'd buy one and take it home. but super cute!
    tee hee!
    love you and love yer blog!!!
    big love,

  9. How funny, things like that never happen here! I could only wish for something exciting to happen. I'll trade you for a week?!


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