Feb 19, 2010

The Washcloth.

I can't take credit for this story as another Mama posted this on one of the internet boards I participate in. I took off the name of the person who it happened to, but it kills me so I wanted to share it:

The Washcloth 
Ladies, this has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in 'that area' to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'

I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning,cooking.

After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my washcloth?'

I told her to get another one from the cupboard.

She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

Never going back to that doctor. 


Feb 18, 2010

Did you ever XXX with your baby?

One of my very best friends just had a baby boy three weeks ago and she's going through the new mom jitters. I check in with her almost daily and I've noticed she's started asking me some familiar questions:

"Did you ever feed the baby late because you were asleep?"  Yes. Many times.
"Did Oliver poop himself right after you cleaned him up and put a new diaper on him?  Yes. Every time.
"Did you ever feel like a crazy person when they don't stop crying?" Yes. Still do.

I told my friend to always call and ask me anything day or night.  But I promise the answer will most likely always be a yes. I am truly the last person to judge another mom.

In fact, after I hung up with her I laughed to myself remembering my questions that I wished I could discuss with a friend who'd been in the trenches.  Such as:

Did you ever bring home a naked baby from the pediatrician because you didn't know to ALWAYS bring extra clothes with you?  This is where my friend would say...Yes!

Did you ever have to run to a drug store to buy formula or milk because you left yours at home? All the time!

Did you ever run out of diapers and have to use tissue paper so you could again run to the drug store? Quite frequently!

Did you ever swear you were never having more children when your baby was 7 weeks old and it was 4:00 in the morning and they won't stop screaming? Totally! In fact, I considered giving my husband a vasectomy!

Did you ever tell a random person you're up to your ears in diarrhea and wonder why they're looking at you like you're the weirdo? Of course! Poop, pee, boogers, nothing phases me anymore!

Did you ever order your dinner in the same tone you talk to your baby with and then realized half way through you need to get out more?  Positively yes! And right after, we hired a babysitter!

All I can tell my friend is to hold on tight.
It's a wild, dirty, crazy ride, but nonetheless, the best ride in the world!

Feb 17, 2010

An Unplugged Rant.

Last Thursday I boarded the plane to New York calm and collected only to discover my dvd player had not been charged properly. For the next hour and a half, we would have to make do on a plane with no entertainment. Crap.

Last Friday Oliver was sleeping and I was eager to finish Elizabeth Gilbert's new book Committed only to discover my Kindle wasn't charged. Shit.

At the playground last Saturday Oliver was off running around and I had a moment to text my friend only to realize my iPhone was dead. Sucks.

Last Sunday I had an idea for a blog post, and hmmm...what a surprise, my computer had not an ounce of juice. Shoot me.

What kind of world are we living in these days!

You think Moms remember to charge every gadget we have? Give us a break!

Steve Jobs and Bill Gates:  If you can invent all of this stuff can't you invent a battery to last longer than 24 hours?

Feb 16, 2010

Bag Lady Stroller

Is this unique to New York?

Every day my stroller is packed so heavy with bags
hanging off every hinge, clasp and hook.

Does your stroller make you look like a bag lady too?

Feb 15, 2010

Bye Bye Arcade Fire

One of my most favorite concerts I've ever been to was Arcade Fire at Radio City Music Hall. They were musically perfect and at the same time perfectly irreverent. I was surrounded by hipsters and true music lovers and the only downside was that my 70-year old boss was sitting behind me. But I didn't care. We were all there to enjoy the music.

This past weekend I noticed how much my life has changed since that concert. Once again, I was sitting center stage at another New York City landmark, Madison Square Garden, only this time I was sitting with Oliver on my lap. Surrounding us was thousands of other kids worshipping at the alter of Elmo.

At intermission a funny thing happened. Men appeared from all corners of the Garden with thousands 
of Elmo balloons. Each balloon was $10.00 and they completely sold out within 5 minutes. 

The thing is you have no choice but to buy a balloon for your kid. If the child in front of you, behind you, to the right and left of you is holding a balloon you CAN'T explain to your child that it's a stupid waste of money. And even worse, we saw at least 20 balloons sadly waft up to the ceiling after they were accidentally let go of. You KNOW that parents had ponied up for another $10.00 balloon to comfort their crying child. 

Now, I'm no meanie and obviously an Elmo balloon and electronic Elmo-light-up-spiny- thingy are part of the show but i'm just making an observation.

The kid in front of us had to leave early and left his electronic Elmo-light-up-spiny-thingy 
on his chair so we took it. Why let it go to waste right? 


Congratulations Sherri!  You have won the first ever S'mores For Breakfast Contest! Be sure to email me your info so I can get that to you right away! And thanks everyone for supporting S'mores! We'll be having another contest soon!