Feb 17, 2009

My cleaning lady Francesca...

My cleaning lady has gotten a little too comfortable.

A of all: She moved her start time from 7:30AM to 8:30AM. Fine. I let that go because it actually gives me an extra hour in the morning to chill out with my babe.

B of all: After she takes off her shoes and coat, instead of grabbing the mop and broom she runs right over to Oliver and coos with him. I let this go too because I thought it was sweet. But as of late 2 minutes of cooing became 5 minutes. Then 5 minutes became 10 minutes. And last week, I kid you not, she cooed for a half an hour all the while telling me how she wanted to have kids of her own but her body would not let her, how she's now too old, how her husband was just laid off, how her mother is dying back in Mexico, and how if she had a baby she wouldn't be so stressed out and...I'm sorry but TMI. (mom: that means Too Much Information.) I'm thinking to myself, "Francesca, I'm so sorry for your stresses but really, you're my cleaning lady. I've got a handle on my baby. What I don't have a handle on is my kitchen floor. So maybe now's a good time to grab that Soft Scrub."

C of all: She asked me if she could borrow a shirt of mine to clean in. Apparently she brought her cleaning shirt home the week before and forgot to bring it back. My mother is going to die when she hears I actually lent her one. I couldn't have her cleaning my apartment in the huge turtleneck sweater she wore, right?

D of all: I put Oliver down for his morning nap and was excited to use the half-hour to catch up with my girl Martha Stewart. (I know she's dry and condescending as all hell, but I've taken a real liking to her.) During this time Francesca cleans out my refrigerator. She hollers from the kitchen that my milk is bad. "Fine," I yell back, "throw it out." Then she hollers that my bananas are rotten. "Fine," I yell back, "throw them out." Do I really need to "approve" everything? If the bananas are black, toss'em!

E of all: Seeing as it was almost 60 degrees out, I threw Oliver in the stroller and off we went to the park. I didn't want him to be breathing in the fumes once Francesca got going on the bathroom. She doesn't usually leave until around 2, but when we came in the door at 12:30, there was Francesca putting her shoes on. Huh? I was a little shocked and clearly so was she. She hurriedly said goodbye and was out the door.

After a moment it hit me.

She just walked out of here wearing my old crappy shirt, carrying a jug of milk in her right hand and holding a few bananas in her left!

It's come to the end of the line for Francesca.


  1. Yea, it sounds like she's taking advantage of your kindness....my MIL had a cleaning lady who spent all her time trying to hit her up for more money and eating sweets and grilled cheese sandwiches instead of ironing, the only thing my MIL really hired her for.

  2. Yep, bye bye Frannie....

    My maid has done the same thing a few times, but in the end she's the genuine article. The real tussle we had was with her trying to move the start time herself...I was not impressed...you gotta put your foot down...

  3. Oh, I'd be miffed and she'd be out for sure!

    Though, I'd kill for a cleaning lady myself so I might let it go, lol.

  4. hmmmm...YOUR SHIRT...that's it!
    You"re right-
    Your Mom

  5. Bye bye Francesca! I am shocked! Well, not really. I had a cleaning lady once who was almost that bad. And I guess Francesca could have been walking out with your TV!

  6. these upstairs/downstairs situations rarely work out. Good luck firing her. It took me about three months to fire mine.

  7. Sad because I am still jealous of the fact you have a cleaning lady. Even one that "borrows" from you...I am pathetic, I know :)

  8. If I could find a cleaning lady that would work in exchange for shirts, milk and bananas, I'd be okay with that.

    Seriously? You have a cleaning lady? Or, I guess that would be a soon to be ex cleaning lady? The cleaning lady around here goes by the handle Evil Twin's Wife.

  9. Your Mom is cooler than you think. She knows what "TMI" means.

    8:30 to 12:30 minus a half hour cooing time still leaves Francesca 3 1/2 hours to clean. As long as she's relatively reliable and cleans tolerably well, I vote to keep her. The next one may not be any better. Your Mom keeps thinking about dismissing the cleaning duo we both employ. I give her the same advice I gave you. Then again, Maria and Agnes haven't walked off wearing her clothes...yet.

  10. Hi Susan! You just made my day commenting!

    You just wait till Maria and Agnes walk off in a pair of your shoes and a peach cobbler from your freezer and then we'll talk!

    I actually think my mom and you are waaaay cool!

  11. Wow. That's ballsy. Mine is a piece of work too, but she can clean like nobody's business so I keep her. Buh0bye, Frannie.

  12. Good thing you had the baby with you! ;)

  13. WOw thats just a little shocking.

    She has a lot of nerve.

  14. what?! That's crazy! well... look at it as donating. or helping out someone who needed it. i don't know, that's pretty crazy! whatcha going to do??

  15. Omg if my cleaning lady ever asked me to lend her a shirt to clean in, I would probably not let her lol. She's there to clean. What could she possibly be doing that she needs a new shirt for? especially one of mine?

    My cleaning lady does the bare minimum. She hasn't dusted for MONTHS, doesn't vacuum my room, doesn't mop my floor, doesn't clean my bathtub....the list goes on and on. And she brings her grandkids who are like 1 or 2 and expects them to sit still for like 5 hours straight. If I'm home, she tries to pass them off to me.

  16. I give my cleaners clothes all the time. Bags of them. And they've never asked me for a shirt, only for a dress to wear to a wedding. I picked out a dress that was pretty darn nice and told her to keep it. I'm a softie when it comes to giving things away.

    This is my first time here and I'm loving it! Come check me out if you get the chance. I think we've got a lot in common (and I'll talk liberal politics with you any and every day of the week!).

  17. You have to remind her about what she gets paid to do - and then maybe you have to let her go because that'll tick her off and she'll break something or yours - or maybe she straightens up her act and it's all good.

  18. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0qTjfp3cgI

  19. I would be PISSED... I can be the nicest person in the world until you screw me... sounds like you got screwed baby... Won't Franny be surprised when she finds out you don't need her anymore? I hope you are going to find someone else?!)

  20. Oy, indeed! If you pay her for a specific amount of cleaning time, it's definitely time to pipe up - I say give her a warning before you fire her, otherwise she might not completely realise you're unhappy with what she's doing. The milk and bananas thing is weird, though.
    Next time, save the milk for extra delicious pancakes or muffins, and put the overripe bananas in the freezer to make top notch banana bread (I wasn't kidding when I said I hate food waste!)


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