And Now...

1- Did you hear? There was an earthquake in Chicago. Apparently it caused quite a stir for some people down in Elgin, Illinois.  It measured out to a whopping 3.8. Now, I can't deny it is unusual for an earthquake to occur in the midwest, but people, come on now. Haiti was less than a month ago and we are quaking in our shoes over an itsy-bitty tremor that Chicago proper didn't even feel. I was in Chicago the night of the earthquake and I didn't feel a thing. Can we all just relax? Check out the store here.

2- Did you hear? The un-storm of the century didn't hit New York City on Wednesday into Thursday. Yes, Newark, Laguardia and JFK did close down for a few hours, and yes, most every airline cancelled their flights, including mine. So do you want to know how many inches the city got? EIGHT! That's it. Eight. You want to know about my flight back from Chicago to Laguardia Thursday afternoon? We departed on time, arrived early and there were 20 passengers on board my 80 person jet. Believe you me, I'm not complaining as I got a whole 6 rows to myself but I would find it infuriating if I was trying to get back to NYC today and couldn't. Check out the story here.

3- Did you hear? Bill Clinton is sick! This pervy President is in the hospital with yet another heart condition. I truly hope he gets better because he's the only normal, past President we got. I mean, the Bush crew can't exactly save the children Haiti on their own. Remember how they mistreated the children of N'Orleans? Besides, how else is Hillary Clinton going to run for President against Fairy Princess Palin in 2016 if Bill isn't around to help her? Check out the story here.

4- Did you hear? MTV re-designed their logo. Now in my 30's I proudly continue to watch too many shows on the Rock of Love sister station. The Hills, Jersey Shore, and the Real World Wherever. I'm so confused as to what they would change about the station let alone the logo that I grew up with.  But, it's not really THAT different. They claim they had to redesign it because there is a whole new generation  involved now. They also claimed that music was still at the center of what they do. So explain me this- I'm totally happy watching a marathon of Jersey Shore but what's that got to do with music? See the new logo here.

5- The first official S'mores for Breakfast contest ends today! Thank you for subscribing and following and tweeting and commenting! Feedback is my most favorite thing in the world so let me know what you're thinking! I'll announce the winner on Monday!

Have a Great Weekend!

TGIF!

Well, it has been a slow/fast week for me. I mean slow because I left my brain in St. Thomas. I mean fast because besides bumping into Jennifer Connelly at Whole Foods time passed me by this week. I got very little done and yet I am exhausted.

It sounds insane but Oliver is holding a major grudge against Brett and I for leaving the beach and coming back to NYC. Oliver, usually a fabulous sleeper, decided to fully wake up at 4 am and scream straight through until 7am. Nothing was wrong with him at all. I checked. He was dry, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't teething, he just wanted to play. We, seeing as it was 4 in the morning, just wanted to sleep. We are believers in Ferberization, so I had to grab my pillow and blanket and sleep on the couch because my heart can't bear the crying. And that's the story behind the scoreboard.

Doublebanker: You win my contest. Not only were you funny, but you were also the first to respond. I appreciate the support! You rock!

Nicole: Totally possible. In fact, I think Oliver wants to crawl so badly that when he realizes he can't he gets truly frustrated. Once he gets going we're in big trouble!

Porkstar- though your funny, you're sick.

Mom- I can't wait to see you next week!

So without a moment further, here is the week in review.
Please agree with me comment away.


1- Bernie Madoff: I want to be clear. This guy is a complete crook and should rot in jail for robbing people blind. But I do not understand why sooooo many intelligent people put every cent of theirs in one place. Haven't they heard the term diversify? Have they ever heard of banks? Bonds? When investing in the market, you're supposed to be aggressive when you're young, and grow conservative over the years. I hate Madoff for ripping off so many older people who were convinced they didn't know better when they really did. I also hate him because he ruined my morning walk yesterday because my neighborhood was filled with helicopters from every news station, reporters asking passerby's their thoughts, and angry victims waiting for the judges sentence.

2- Rhianna and her beater boyfriend: I don't know how else to say this, so pardon my french. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE SHE WENT BACK TO HIM. Yes, they are both kids. (He's 19 and she's 21.) But I swear if any guy I ever dated laid a hand on me, not only would he be less two balls but I would never EVER go back to him. What's just as pathetic is there is a poll out saying many female high school students think RiRi deserved to be beat up because she probably said something to set him off. WTF! Where are her friends, managers and family telling her NO NO NO? Memo to Mama's: Teach your daughters to have self-esteem.

3-The Best Revenge: Melissa did a fabulous job stepping in for Nancy O'Dell on Dancing with the Stars. What's his name and big-eyed Molly are soooo green with envy. Though I'm not sure what Melissa will do after hanging out with a bunch of d-listers, at least she looks fantastic and feels better after such a public humiliation. I hope she wins.

4-Fun Fact: This is the second month in a row that we have a Friday the 13th!

Have a wonderful weekend!
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And now...

And without wasting another minute, let's delve right into this week's juiciness! 

Remember to comment!  If you don't take part in the conversation, you're not allowed to have an opinion.

1: Heath Ledger's Oscar win: Did you see Batman? I did. Heath's performance was so far above and beyond any of my expectations. It was genius. I cried my eyes out when his family accepted the Oscar on behalf of Matilda. My heart weeps for his baby when she realizes how he overdosed and threw his life away amazingly talented and loved her daddy was.

2: Obama addresses congress:  Less than halfway through his first 100 days in office Obama hosted a non-official state of the union. Wowsah does this President have kahoonahs made of steal  guts! I don't think anyone else but Obama could deliver such shitty news in a more positive way. I wish I had his gift. I kept wondering through the entire address how Georgie-poo must have felt watching from his living room in the state you couldn't pay me to live in  Texas. Everytime Obama emphasized how irresponsible and glutenous the previous government had acted do you think Georgie-poo felt any pangs of vomit guilt? He should. After all, he did break the world have a just a bit to do with where we are now.

3: Octo-mom: I am seriously so sick of hearing about this woman I can hardly believe I'm giving her a place in this list. The bright side to this story is that the hospital is now deciding whether or not they can ethically allow Whacko Nadia to bring home all the babies. She must be able to prove she can care for them in addition to her other 6 children. After seeing how she keeps her pig sty home that could very well be impossible. It's laughable she has refused network interviews yet accepts a sit down with fake doctor for psychos Dr. Phil. Can we just stop giving her attention? I promise this is the last time I mention her.

4: Slumdog Kids:  Those adorable kids from the movie Slumdog Millionaire were handpicked from the slums of India by director Danny Boyle to play childhood versions of the movie's main characters. During the 30 days they shot their part for the movie they received a small daily stipend for their services. Well, yesterday the kiddies returned to India and were received by thousands of slumdogs as national heros. Danny Boyle and the Indian government have jointly financed the kiddies education at an exclusive private school. And when they turn 18 they will have access to a trust fund that Boyle has set up on their behalf.  That's such exploitation great. Very after the fact noble. I can't decide if it's because the film has brought in over $100 million I'm not even including potential DVD and soundtrack sales  or because it won the Oscar for best picture that made Boyle so generous. If Millionaire didn't win would Boyle have let those kids return to the slum? Did he not learn anything after shooting there? Sure it's nice that they'll now have an education, but how about health care, allowance and a year-long trip to Disney World for them and their famlies to go along with it?

5: The National Defishit: Umm. Need I say more? Just how many zero's is in a trillion? TGIFF.  

Make my Friday Fabulous!

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And now...

Last week's "Week in Review" was a hit! Thank you to everyone who chimed in the discussion! I loved hearing your thoughts, even if you disagreed with me, and if there's anything I missed let me know.

This week proved to be no slacker in terms of hot topics so lets get bitching started!

#1 Travis the Chimpanzee:
In case you haven't heard, the famous chimp from the Old Navy commercials attacked a woman in Connecticut. She is currently listed in critical condition having suffered life-altering injuries. Travis's owner raised the monkey like her own child and was completely devastated by what occurred. While I don't doubt her sincerity and feelings of remorse, anyone can see just how truly insane heartbroken she is, I do seriously doubt her judgment on many levels. First of all, who has a chimp for a pet? Isn't that against some kind of law? Monkeys are wild animals. Key word being "wild." Second, the chimp had recently contracted Lyme disease and the owner decided to treat the monkey by putting a Xanax in his morning tea. Sure, giving your monkey the Xanax prescribed for you is totally bizarro, but I find it hilarious that the Chimp drinks morning tea! What is he, British? Apparently 5 minutes after he drank the roofied-tea he went insane. Go figure. It is also weird to me that her neighbors never called the authorities. If a 200-pound monkey who can drive a car lived next to me I promise you I would phone it in. Okay, so Travis could draw his own bath and even pick out his own clothes. I'm sure I could train a giraffe brush my hair, but you don't see me raising one in my apartment. If I want to see a wild animal, I'll go to the zoo thank you very much.

#2 Facebook's Policy Change:
Even if George Bush doesn't listen to the people, at least we know Facebook does. The Today Show, The View and ABC World News Tonight all reported on Facebook's policy change. And, thousands of people responded by petitioning online and canceling their accounts not me, I have over 500 friends. Well, the next morning, Facebook cracked under the pressure. Elizabeth Hasselbarf took personal credit for the change in policy. She's so delusional. Good job peeps! Way to band together! But the sorry truth is, if you post anything on Facebook, I promise you it will never be "private." Come on, the internet has been around for over a decade. If you think Facebook's policy reversal protects your photos, status updates, wall postings and info, you really shouldn't be allowed near a computer.

#3 Flight 3407 to Buffalo:
There are so many heartbreaking aspects to this story: the timing being so soon after the Hudson miracle landing, the 50 lost souls, the home that was destroyed... but to me the most heartbreaking thing was what the NTSB found during their search to find out why, why, why this happened. The authorities blamed the pilot's lack of both judgment and experience. This may be true but it makes me cry for not just the pilot's legacy, I certainly don't want "incompetence" written on my tombstone, but also for his family who is mourning him. Don't you think the pilot did absolutely everything in his power to save the lives of everyone on board including his own? Unfortunately the weather, the plane and other circumstances outwitted him. I pray someone mentions the good he did during his lifetime instead of solely focusing on the fatal mistake he made during the last minute of his life. He was after all, human.

#4 The Post's Cartoon:
On Wednesday the Post ran a cartoon where two policemen gun down a chimpanzee. The caption read "They'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus plan." People were outraged because they found it racist. Umm well duh...people reacted that way because it was truly as racist as it gets! I stand in agreement with the protesters outside the Post's headquarters. In fact, I'd be standing in line with them if I didn't have a 4 month old at home to watch. How on Earth could the Post run such an obscene cartoon! Memo to the Post: You're just as bad as Fox news, maybe worse.

#5 Oliver's First Tooth:
I see my babe's first tooth! It is currently at the gum line and while it could take days or weeks for it to become a full fledged tooth, I'm just so giddy to see it! I want to put my baby in a shoebox and keep him teeny forever. He's already growing up too fast! As far as I'm concerned, this is the most important news story of them all!

Make my Friday Fabulous!
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The Week in Review 001

So, just like Oprah, I'm going to have "The Week in Review Fridays." This will consist of me telling you my opinions on this weeks headlines. Right about now my mother is thinking, "Oh no. Heeeeere we go." And you know what? She's right. So let's get going.

#1- The Michael Phelps Apology:

I'm sorry but if I have to hear this poor guy apologize for partying it up just one more time I'm going to personally send him a six pack of Bud. He just got done representing America on the world's stage with grace and integrity. God forbid he scratch an itch and try what most 15 year olds do every weekend in high school! Phelps never had time for a girlfriend, probably never went to his prom, and for sure never crashed a college kegger. I think the guy is entitled to a little debauchery. And now Kelloggs revokes his sponsorship? What a load of hypocritical bullshit. Hey Kelloggs, did you take away Michael Jordan's sponsorship when he cheated on his wife or got in trouble with his little gambling habit? The true ass hole in this situation is the guy who had the chance to party with Phelps and then turned around and sold him out by selling those pics to the tabloids.

#2- The insane Nadya Suleman:

Okay. Normally I don't give a hoot about what people do with their own bodies. It's quite frankly none of my business. But this...this...this is the most sick woman I've ever seen. Delusional doesn't even cut it. DCFS, really, please knock on her door and take those kids to homes where they can be raised by sane people. I know so many people who want children who are responsible, loving and selfless adults. It breaks my heart that this woman is fulfilling her own weird fetish rather than thinking of what's best for the poor kids she just birthed. And now she is looking for endorsements from companies and donations from the public? She thinks she's going to be the next John and Kate + 8! Have you seen her website? Don't get me started on the taxpayers of California having to foot the bill for her!

Memo to Crazywoman: Dogs have 8 puppies at a time, not humans.

#3- The Stimulus Package:

I can't imagine a more shitacious job in the world right now than being President of the United States. Don't get me wrong, I'm psyched Obama is in office, but I do hope people understand that he's trying to fix some pretty huge problems and cut him a little slack. Already he's done more in a month than Bush did his entire presidency. The problem is congress doesn't understand economics and all the economists are corrupt. So who is supposed to really fix this mess? Oy. Its gonna be a while until things are back to normal.

I'm gonna go make cookies.


Comment away! I'd love to know your thoughts!