And now...

#1- Did you hear? John Edwards admitted the lovechild is his. This guy gets smarmier every time he's in the news. What's worse, cheating on your cancer-sticken wife while she's going through chemo or denying the bastard is yours? Karma sure is a bitch Johnny boy, wouldn't you agree? I for one can't wait to see what's coming your way. In fact, I think I hear hell calling your name in the faint distance. Check out the story here.

#2- Did you hear? Scott Brown, the newly elected politico posed nude for Cosmo back in 1982. He pushed it aside as no big thang but personally I think any man posing nude is hugely repulsive. Okay...but seriously, consider for a moment Hillary Clinton rationalizing something like that? Imagine she posed for Maxim back in her law school days. I promise we wouldn't hear the end of it. EVER! Check out Mr. Big Boy Brown's pics on Newsweek's site here.

#3- Did you hear? Tara Reid is getting married. Yup. Now for all those people who thought they were unmarriable, I promise you, you are not. For someone to take up for a lifetime with this kookhead is pretty bold so I promise you, you...are not out of luck. Like my Grandma Hannah Rae always said, There's a lid for every pot. Check out the story here.

#4- Did you hear? There are way too many people comparing the tragedy in Haiti to Katrina. Yes, both were devastating natural disasters, but I want to be clear these two events are as different as Elisabeth Hasslenut and Cher. Just imagine half of the United States crashing down in the span of one minute. I'm talking the entire east coast and midwest obliterated in 60 seconds. That's New York City, Boston, Miami, Chicago, Atlanta, Toledo, Washington D.C. and all the farm land in between. Gone. And, not just the buildings and towns, I'm talkin' millions of people. Yes, the United States is in a recession, and yes, many of us have a lot less to work with these days, but don't we have a moral obligation to humankind to help? Click here to make a donation to the Red Cross if you're feeling generous.

#5- To end on a high note, I want to thank everyone who has visited my blog this week. I have enjoyed doing it and loved the response. Next week I'll be hosting a BIG contest that everyone and their mothers will want to win. Make sure you check back on Monday to learn how you can win! I'll give you a hint though. It involves something to the likes of leaving comments on my blog, following me, subscribing, and tweeting about Smores. The more times you do this, the more chances you'll have to win. Details to follow.

Have an amazing weekend, and don't forget to leave me a comment!

I'm a Big Fat Jerk...

Do you know who Jo Frost is? If you have children, you should. She's none other than the Super Nanny.

I watch her in awe as she slaps lame parents into submission leaving the whole family whipped into ship-shape-perfection.

Recently, my precious baby passionate toddler figured out that if he screams loud enough, pulls firmly enough or throws hard enough, he gets his way within seconds.

Well, giving into Oliver's demands has become quite a vicious circle. My poor toddler-negotiating skills have bitten me straight in the ass. Just like that, I've become one of those lame parents who needs the Super Nanny more than Conan needs better ratings.

So before I write to Super Nanny and invite Jo and her cameras into our home, I figured I would try out the skills she suggests on the show.

First, I ignore the screaming so I don't feed the tantrum. Second, if Oliver throws the sippy he will simply not get it back. And third, when he breaks house rules, I activate the naughty spot.

But how do I do this? Oliver is 16 months and he can't sit in one spot! So the next day I walked clear across town and bought a Pack n' Play. Then I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond, another long trek in the other direction, and purchased a kitchen timer. The whole naughty spot expedition took 2.5 hours and guess what? Oliver behaved the whole time. Not a cry, not a whine, not a tantrum.

"Hmmmm," I thought, "....What is he up to?"

When we got home I set up the Pack n' Play and timer so I would be ready for the notorious witching hour. But tonight would be different. I'm ready!

5:00pm: Oliver sat and played with his puzzles while I prepped his dinner.

"Hmmmm..."

6:00pm: I put him in his highchair and he ate everything nicely and neatly.

"Huh?"

6:30pm: After dinner he happily grabbed his favorite books off the shelf and read to himself.

"What? That's it? No screaming? No pulling? No throwing? But I'm ready for you! I'm ready! I wasn't before but now I am!

Oliver was now the spitting image of a perfect child.

And, every day since the naughty spot adventure not once have I had to do anything but enjoy him.

Memo to Super Nanny: Either my child is Yoda reincarnated or you're so good that the very thought of an impending time out made Oliver behave!

Thank you Jo.

As Mr. Costner says, "If you build it, they will come."

My Childs First Word!

Well, here we are at an exciting juncture in my child's life.

Oliver is almost 16 months old and while he's mastered words like "Mummm" and "Dah-deee" we have been anxiously awaiting the first word that takes him beyond, well, the two of us.

And yesterday, just like that, it happened.

Out of the mouth of my babe came... "Sheeet."

"Sheeet?"

Yes. Shit. My babe, my raison d'etre said, as his first real word, "sheeeet."

Over and over and over, all day long, "Sheeet. Sheeet. Sheeet."

Non stop. "Sheeet."

Each time he said "sheet," he would look at me and smile. He so wanted me to clap my hands or say, "Oh, honey! I'm so proud of you!" And, I ended up doing exactly that.

"Yayyy Oliver! Oliver said Sheet!"

Tomorrow, I just know he's going to so sweetly repeat "sheet, sheet, sheet" all day long.

I started to sweat a bit thinking of what the woman at Whole Foods would say, or how the mom's on the playground would look at me, or...yikes, his new teacher! What would she think I was teaching him?

But then I thought, hey, kids must say this crap all the time.

Fuck it.

Subscribe to Smores today! It's so easy!

If I were someone else for a day...

So...last Saturday morning I woke up to Oliver crying loudly. It was 6am and Oliver was letting the world know he was ready to start his day. So what did I do? I clenched my eyes sooooo tight, hid underneath the covers, and ignored it.

I don't want to be a mommy today! Today, I wish and pray I am a famous actress starring on Broadway about to deliver a mind blowing Mom-o-logue about..."A Day Off."

Curtain opens and there I am standing center stage under a spotlight.

I begin:

A day off from diapers

A day off from boogers,

A day off from hardened oatmeal stains

on Oliver's pajamers.

A day off from sippy-cup parts

and little socks,

A day off from paper towels

and wooden blocks.

A long shower

complete with deep conditioner,

Maybe a hair glaze, bath oil

and Creme del la Mer moistur-izer.

I'd then put on my most pretty bra

and my kitten heels,

I'm a women you see, lest I forget,

On to Sephora for steals!

I would get a pedicure and massage,

and afterwards hit The Met.

I would cook up a great french dinner,

maybe even a souflet.

At night I'd welcome my husband home

relaxed and so carefree!

Because of my wonderful day off,

I took care of me me me!

Me, me, me, me,

me, me, me.

I took care of me,

me, me, me, me.

blah blah blah blah

me me me.

whoop de do dah,

me me me.

The end.

Audience: Clap, clap, clap. Encore! Roses all over the stage.

Me: I bow politely. Thank you! Thank you! I love you too!)

I then lifted the covers off of my head and threw my hair into a ponytail. Like the day before and the day before that I shimmied into my yoga pants and walked into Oliver's room. There he was. Standing up, smiling and...clapping!

Was this a standing ovation?

I'm no famous actress with thousands clapping for me, but there is nothing like walking into a room with dirty hair and no make up on and getting a little applause from the most important critic in the house.

What'd I do? I bowed. And then I wiped away his boogers.

What gets your Mama mojo back on track?

Leave a comment, email me, and I'll post the best ones!

Golden Globes Roundup.

So, last night, we decided to put the baby down early. REALLY, REALLY EARLY. Why? Because for the past 5 days Oliver's decided he doesn't want to eat and he doesn't want to sleep. He has no fever, he has no cold, he's absolutely fine. I really think he's just announcing his independence to the world. Of course, as my dear friend Nicol told me Saturday night at dinner, "Let it go for a few days, eventually he'll exhaust himself and he'll have to sleep. And, eventually he'll get hungry and he'll have to eat too." Well she was right. Not only did he scarf down a bowl full of trustee mac 'n cheese, but we put him to bed at 6pm. Yup, you heard me, 6pm.

With all that time what did I do?

I watched the Golden Globes.

And here are my thoughts:

REALLY BADLY Dressed Women:

1-Patricia Arquette (WTF!)

2-Kate Hudson (Face looked great, that dress was BAD)

3-Elisabeth Moss (Yikes. She needs to find a stylist fast!)

4-Nicole Kidman (hated the dress)

6-Julianne Moore (the dress was like a trash bag with ruffles at the top!)

THE WORST DRESSED WOMEN IN THE WORLD:

1-Cher

2-Christina Aguillara

3-Anna Paquin

4-Jane Lynch

5-Calista Flockhart (you need serious help lady...really sad...)

WOMEN, WHO I'D LIKE TO LOOK LIKE AND WEAR THEIR CLOTHES. (OR AT THE VERY LEAST I'D LOVE TO GO SHOPPING WITH, BECAUSE THEY ARE GORGEOUS:

1-Emily Blunt (Did I say gorgeous!)

2-Penelope Cruz (You're forever my hollywood girl crush!)

3-Glenn Close (Bravo Grandma!)

4-Marion Cotillards (That is one tough look to pull off and I think you do!)

5-Julia Roberts (love how fresh she looked and loved the hair and necklace!)

MEN, WHO EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE FAMOUS, I WOULD NEVER WANT TO BE SEEN WITH BECAUSE THEY DRESS BAD:

1-Mike Tyson (duh)

2-Mickey Rourke (not really a shocker either)

3-George Clooney (The beard made him look like a logger)

4-Taylor Lautner (I'm def Team Vampire after this huge faux pas!!)

MEN WHO DRESS INCREDIBLY WELL:

1-Adrian Grenier (cutie!)

2-John Krasinski (aww, he looks so happy!)

3-Mathew Morrison (smmooooth!)

4-Chase Crawford (It's annoying for me to compliment him.)

5-Steve Carell

COUPLE I WANT MY HUSBAND AND I TO GO ON A DOUBLE DATE WITH:

1-Will Arnett and Amy Poehler

2-Jennifer Westfeldt and Jon Hamm

I know the lists are uneven, but hey. They're just my thoughts. And, you can see all the pics and agree with me at this link.

Do you think Oliver will wake up at 4am raring to start his day? I really hope and pray the whole "sleep begets sleep" theory works. Otherwise tomorrow he's going to have a rough day at pre-pre-school come morning. One things for sure...I'll be letting you know. And yes Nicol, I'm talking to you.

Thank God toddlers don't drink coffee.

We did it! We did it! It's really, really true!

We did it! We did it! We know just what to do!

See, we were tired of Oliver running us ragged.

So we changed it up a bit.

We took him out, ran him around, jumped on top everything, hid below everything, laughed as hard as we could, fell over two or three or fifty times, and eventually...we pooped him out.

Don't mess with us kid, we've had a full pot of expresso.

Have a great weekend!

Maybe I'm doing something right? Maybe?

Raising a child is hard work.

It is exhausting, relentless and can be extremely frustrating.

Just last month Oliver was getting his kicks licking the wall.

This month, we've made huge progress.

Check out our accomplishments:

We're putting things ON.

We're stacking things UP.

And, (my favorite) we're DRAWRING!

I've never been so proud!

Leave me a comment and let me know you're thoughts!

And, don't forget to follow Smores so you don't miss a post!

I'm now tweeting at Smores4brekfest.

It has happened.

I said it would never happen to me, and yet, it has.

I tried. I tried really, really hard, but in the end there was no avoiding it.
The best thing for me to do now is to roll with it.

Can you relate?
Has it happened to you too?
Did you try like hell to fight against it, but in the end raised your little white flag?

Do you know what I'm talking about?

I know you do.

Yup, the yoga pants, the Converse gym shoes, the tank top paired with a long sleeve t-shirt?

Not with me yet? Okay I'll just say it flat out. The Mom-iform.

We roll out beds at 7am, throw our hair into a ponytail and shimmy into our yoga pants. As we walk to greet our young ones in their rooms, we pull down the tank and the tee. Phew. We did it. We got dressed.

The thing is, this way of dressing is functional. And with the help of stores like Lululemon, it's not as droopy of a look as it used to be. The way I justify it is that everyone dresses for their job.

Bankers wear ties.

Doctors wear scrubs.

Moms and Yoga teachers wear yoga pants.

I'm not going to be dressing like an exercise teacher forever, after all, I won't have to chase Oliver for the rest of my life. Things will normalize and I will once more slip into my kitten heals.

But as for now, Chuck Taylors remain part of my ensemble.

Rock it. Rock it. Rock it.

Oliver has learned to spin.

I find it dizzying, but he can't get enough so we all applaud.

First Day of Pre-Pre-School.

Today I dropped my baby toddler off at pre-pre-school.

What is that you ask? Pre-pre-school?

It is what Manhattanites do with their 16 month old babies to get them started early. It's really not a big deal. Three hours, Monday through Thursday, in a Montessori environment.

Last week we had parents orientation and the teachers encouraged us to say a quick, simple and happy good-bye during the drop-off period. It would make the separation process easier for them and isn't that what we all want?

All last week I was gearing myself up, practicing my good-bye:

"Oh Oliver!

You're going to have the best time at school!

Mommy loves you and will see you in a few hours!

Have fun! Bye-bye!"

Well, this morning as I threw Oliver in the stroller I got a lump in my throat that could not be cleared by several A-hems. During the three block walk to school my nose suddenly started to run. And, when I lifted Oliver out of his stroller and took off his shoes and jacket a wet substance started trickling down my cheeks.

By the time I brought my little boy over to the movement floor where all of the teachers and aides were happily welcoming new students I was full out bawling.

What was Oliver doing, you might wonder, while I was going hysterical? He was looking at me...laughing. He then turned around and ran right towards the ball pit.

I turned around too, sunglasses already on to conceal the tears, but the erratic huffy breathing was a dead give away for the sobs that I cried all the way home.

I know Oliver will be fine. He's that sort of baby... social, passionate, and wonderful to be around. It's me that I worry about because I have many more of these days to get through: Nursery School, Kindergarten, elementary school, Jr. High, High School, omg... COLLEGE!

Can my heart handle this? No, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Let's hope I do better at school tomorrow.

Shocker.

This week has been tough. The rain kept us indoors for hours at a time. Nothing will make a baby and a Mama more stir crazy than looking at the same toys for hours on end. So when the sun came out on Thursday I decided to straighten my hair, put on a dress, and head to the park.

We left at 11:30am. From 11:45 to 12:45 we were playing in the sand, practicing pulling up, and going down the slide. Who could have known what was happening at home.

At 1:00pm I was minutes away from putting Oliver down for a well deserved nap. As always I opened the door, guided the stroller in, and pulled Oliver out and into my arms.

Having just recently experienced diaper rash for the first time I know you can't change diapers often enough. As I walked towards Oliver's room to change him I noticed the bathroom door was open. Hmm. I thought it was closed when I left. I kept walking.

Next I noticed tons of change and perfume samples scattered on the floor. Huh. Strong wind gusts must have knocked over something...but wait...I turned the corner and looked into my room and saw all the contents of my dresser including the drawers on the floor.

SHIT.

PANIC.

SOMEONES BEEN IN HERE.

ARE THEY STILL HERE?

GET OUT NOW.

RUN.

With Oliver still in my arms I run towards the door and with all my might try to open the door. But I can't. It's stuck. No matter how hard I try, I cannot open the door. It's stuck on something and won't open. That's when I see the living room. The storage trunk is flipped over and everything is dumped onto the floor.

LET ME OUT.

I CANT GET OUT.

IS THE PERSON STILL IN HERE?

SHIT.

SHIT.

LET ME OUT!

I call the super since he works in the building and always answers. He answers on the first ring and I scream into the phone my apartment number, that I'm stuck, and we've been burglarized. Within two minutes he's cracking open my door with a crowbar.

WE'RE SAFE.

OLIVER IS SAFE.

I AM SAFE.

The next five hours consist of policemen taking statements, detectives checking video surveillance, and forensics taking fingerprints off the mirrors. Also during this time we begin to realize all that's been stolen which consisted of nothing out of the ordinary... except for my perfume.

The most unnerving thing (there are many unnerving things about this) is that this was clearly an inside job. We live in a doorman building and there are 24 surveillance cameras throughout the building. Also, our apartment is on a rather high floor. This asshole took the stairs to get in and out. Why wouldn't they try the lower floors? And finally, I don't keep a regular schedule, I keep a baby's schedule. I was gone for an hour and a half and someone had to have been watching me and known exactly which apartment I live in.

The good thing is we were not home. The good thing is all material things can be replaced. The good thing is Oliver is okay. The bad thing is the memory, the loss of trust and sense of safety.

We put bats under our bed should we ever need them in the middle of the night.

My purpose in writing this is not to scare anyone, rather to raise awareness that even when we think we live in safe areas with locks on our doors and doormen acting as gatekeepers to our privacy you must always be on top of your security.

Please be safe and aware. Knowledge is power.

Obviously...

I have 7 friends that are pregnant and they keep asking me for advice. Obviously they should buy tons of burp cloths and diapers, and obviously they should test drive different strollers. Not-so-obviously, they should take everything from their hospital room that isn't nailed down. Mostly though, I tell them to sit back and enjoy the ride. They'll figure it out, every mom does...obviously.

Having a baby is incredible, shocking and miraculous. This might should like it should be obvious too. But for me, it wasn't.

I found pregnancy, labor and the months that followed incredible because of the straight-up physicality it involved. The toll it takes is a hefty one. Your back, abs and brain permanently change. You will never feel stronger or more impressed with your body than during this time. Anytime you feel doubt, remind yourself that you. gave. birth.

The very fact that I grew a human being is shocking. This isn't a news flash to scientists, but one minute he was inside of me and the next minute we were breathing the same air. I marvel at how he merely exists. Now that we're in his 8th month of life I watch him take on new challenges daily. He pulled up to a stand position three days ago and my heart skipped a beat. He says Da-Da all day long and he has learned to mash food with his gums. I know every baby masters these mundane tasks, but when they happen to you it's immediately blog and facebook-status worthy.

Miraculous. This is the way my soul feels when I hold Oliver and he cuddles into the nook between my chin and shoulder. And the anticipation to be with him grows day by day, minute by minute, and is at times overwhelming. Tears of joy flow freely in our small apartment. My heart is full and I have never known such pride, peace and contentment.

So, my advice for my dear pregger friends is the same advice passed down by generations: Hold tight to every moment...obviously.

New York Crazy

Dear New York City,

Really. Enough is enough. During past 9 months you have exhausted me.

1-Lets discuss the whole United Nations business last September. You really had to host a 2 week summit and invite every world leader here during the exact time I went into labor? I would have given birth in a taxi had it not been for a police escort and ambulance that rescued us.

2-How about after bringing my baby home from the hospital Lehman Brothers closes and the stock market's bottom falls out? Really New York? I still can't walk anywhere near the Citi building even though it stands on the most popular street in Tribeca. The police surround it daily and yesterday the bomb squad was out full force. Perfect conditions for a neighborhood stroll.

3-New York, do you realize I am used to the sound of helicopters? That's because they hover over my head ALL the time. First the hovering was because a certain miracle plane landed in the Hudson due west of our apartment. Then they hovered because Bernie Madoff was sentenced in court exactly due east. And 3 weeks ago, they hovered because the Obama's were going on a date. Funny, I was on a date too, but couldn't focus because of the sniper hanging out of the helicopter.

4-Now that JT and Jessica live in the hood, I assume we'll be seeing more than the usual annoying paparazzi. Fine, we see celebs at Whole Foods, at Pizza stands and in the park but seriously paparazzi, let them be. This way, you'll be letting me be too.

5-New York kids are weird. I grew up having lemonade stands that consisted of me buying crappy lemonade and selling it for 5 cents a cup on my front lawn. If I made 3 dollars, I was psyched. New York kids also set up lemonade stands. Not in their front lawn because they all grow up in apartments. These kids stand outside of Whole Foods and charge a dollar for a cup of crappy lemonade, $5 for a french pastry, and $10 dollars for a violin solo. Huh?

You never cease to shock and amaze me. Maybe you can give me a break and make this a chill summer. I really need one. Thanks New York. I appreciate it.

xo,

Alexis

My little big boy...

My gym, Equinox, has a kids club. This means that for a small fee I can have 3 or 4 women play with my baby for 2 hours while I exercise-off my last 20 10 pounds. I've known about this feature for months now, but since Oliver is so attached to me I dreaded leaving him with anyone else for fear he would go bonkers. Instead I've been speed walking the West Side Highway and the Brooklyn Bridge with Oliver in his stroller. Needless to say, this hasn't done the job and my skinny jeans are mocking me.

I decided it's time to get serious. And serious means the gym. And the gym means the kids club. And the kids club means Oliver could go bonkers.

The next morning, I woke up and immediately threw on my gym clothes so I would have no excuses. After Oliver's 9am nap, we headed over and I got the scoop. No sick kids, no kids under 3 months, and no diaper changes. If there's a code brown, they give you a pager and beep you so that you can do the honors.

Easy enough. I unstrap Oliver from the stroller and his eyes bug out of his face when he sees all the kids playing and all the toys on the floor. He's clearly psyched.

I sit him down on the floor and the women say "Okay!"

I look at them and say "Okay."

They look at me and and say "Okay?"

I look at them and say "O-Okay..."

They look at me, reach out a hand to my shoulder and say, "It will be okay."

I look at them and say "Okay."

I turn and leave quickly because I'm mortified it is not Oliver going bonkers, it's me.

PATHETIC!

See, it wasn't that Oliver wasn't crying that in turn made me cry. It was that this was such a big boy thing to do. He was so mature! So adult like!

Of course, as I write this, he's crying in his room because he does not want to nap. What a baby.

Weekend at the Park

After a long work week, it's no surprise that Daddys run to the park on Saturdays and Sundays with their children to catch up on missed fun. And Mommys run to the salons to get manicured and highlighted.

Daddys get down and dirty in the grass and mud. They ride in the choo-choo and dig holes to China in the sandbox. Hells bells, they even hoist baby onto their shoulders so the highest branches can be reached.

There is nothing Daddys won't do for their offspring.

I think it's all pretty sweet.

I also think it's amazing. Physically amazing. You see, most of these Daddys happen to be in their mid-50's. I've not the faintest idea how they toss and flip and bend and jump over and over at their toddler's whim! They certainly don't look like they're in shape. They're overweight, gray-haired wine drinkers, yet they give little Johnny the best horsey ride of his life.

We are lucky we live in a time where medically speaking miracles are possible. I am 100% in favor of however and whenever you want to have a family.

The takeaway from this is not that these men are fathering children in their 50s, but rather that these daddy's are fully engaged despite their age.

Keep rockin' it Da-Da.

I'm back!

Sometimes we need to stop and smell the flowers.

And well, that's exactly what I've been doing. A co-worker turned friend told me that kids grow up so fast that if you don't stop and enjoy it, you might miss it. She said she almost missed it with her second and fully got to enjoy it with her third.

Well, that's what I've been doing. And frankly, this has been the best time of my entire life.

At 8 months old, Oliver has grown leaps and bounds. He is inch-worming across the floor, babbling his brains out and this past Sunday he figured out how to get himself into a sitting position. I know it sounds cheesy, but watching a baby grow up is nothing short of a miracle.

I love him so much I miss him when he naps.

Blah, blah, blah you say. Everyone who has a baby feels the same way... Well, I realize this.

When I see other Mama's in the park ooo-ing and ahh-ing over their baby's every move, half of me gets annoyed because Oliver is so obviously the best child in the park, but the other half knows I'm sharing this precious time with a world of women who are all rich in pearls of wisdom.

So, in the name of women, I say keep on raising those kiddies and gushing. And enjoy watching them flowers grow.

TGIF!

Well, it has been a slow/fast week for me. I mean slow because I left my brain in St. Thomas. I mean fast because besides bumping into Jennifer Connelly at Whole Foods time passed me by this week. I got very little done and yet I am exhausted.

It sounds insane but Oliver is holding a major grudge against Brett and I for leaving the beach and coming back to NYC. Oliver, usually a fabulous sleeper, decided to fully wake up at 4 am and scream straight through until 7am. Nothing was wrong with him at all. I checked. He was dry, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't teething, he just wanted to play. We, seeing as it was 4 in the morning, just wanted to sleep. We are believers in Ferberization, so I had to grab my pillow and blanket and sleep on the couch because my heart can't bear the crying. And that's the story behind the scoreboard.

Doublebanker: You win my contest. Not only were you funny, but you were also the first to respond. I appreciate the support! You rock!

Nicole: Totally possible. In fact, I think Oliver wants to crawl so badly that when he realizes he can't he gets truly frustrated. Once he gets going we're in big trouble!

Porkstar- though your funny, you're sick.

Mom- I can't wait to see you next week!

So without a moment further, here is the week in review.
Please agree with me comment away.


1- Bernie Madoff: I want to be clear. This guy is a complete crook and should rot in jail for robbing people blind. But I do not understand why sooooo many intelligent people put every cent of theirs in one place. Haven't they heard the term diversify? Have they ever heard of banks? Bonds? When investing in the market, you're supposed to be aggressive when you're young, and grow conservative over the years. I hate Madoff for ripping off so many older people who were convinced they didn't know better when they really did. I also hate him because he ruined my morning walk yesterday because my neighborhood was filled with helicopters from every news station, reporters asking passerby's their thoughts, and angry victims waiting for the judges sentence.

2- Rhianna and her beater boyfriend: I don't know how else to say this, so pardon my french. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE SHE WENT BACK TO HIM. Yes, they are both kids. (He's 19 and she's 21.) But I swear if any guy I ever dated laid a hand on me, not only would he be less two balls but I would never EVER go back to him. What's just as pathetic is there is a poll out saying many female high school students think RiRi deserved to be beat up because she probably said something to set him off. WTF! Where are her friends, managers and family telling her NO NO NO? Memo to Mama's: Teach your daughters to have self-esteem.

3-The Best Revenge: Melissa did a fabulous job stepping in for Nancy O'Dell on Dancing with the Stars. What's his name and big-eyed Molly are soooo green with envy. Though I'm not sure what Melissa will do after hanging out with a bunch of d-listers, at least she looks fantastic and feels better after such a public humiliation. I hope she wins.

4-Fun Fact: This is the second month in a row that we have a Friday the 13th!

Have a wonderful weekend!
Don't forget to subscribe and comment!

Scoreboard competition...

Think you're funny? Prove it.

1: Come up with a hilarious story explaining the picture above.
2: Post it in the comments section below.

You could win a million dollars the satisfaction
of being the funniest person in the blogosphere.

I wish I had something to giveaway, but mainly,
I'm looking to laugh my ass off.

I'll announce the winner and their winning caption
next Tuesday with a shout out to their blog.

Don't be shy!

And we're back...

It never ceases to amaze me how much your ass life changes when you have a baby. In fact, there really isn't a single aspect of life that remains the same. Sure, you still shower, sleep, watch television, talk to friends and take vacations but how you accomplish these things changes entirely.

For example, I shower in 4 minutes flat, sleep with one eye open, watch television on fast forward and talk to friends after 8 pm. But these things pale in comparison to how much our vacations have changed.

Previous vacations had revelry sounding around 11am give or take an hour. Not anymore. This vacation, we rose at 7am as we have every day for the past 5 months.

Brett and I used to bake in the sun from noon to 2pm. This vacation we hung out in our suite playing scrabble while Oliver napped from noon to 2pm.

Usually I swim all day in peaceful solitude in the ocean. This time, I hung out with other moms at the kiddie pool in knee-high water dishing diaper stores.

Brett and I have taken some spectacular vacations. And despite the dramatic changes in our lives, it was the best vacation I've ever taken. I laughed out loud seeing Oliver in his sunglasses and bathing suit and I cherished introducing him to the sand and water.

I can't wait until our next one!

See you in 7

I'm leaving the mainland and going on blogcation.

While in the sun I plan on getting persepective, gaining inspiration and chugging a few thousand daiquiris taking Oliver swimming in the ocean.

Have a fabulous week and I can't wait to reconnect with all my bloggy friends next week!

Besos,

-Mama S'mores